


Lost But Not All Is Lost

by AniFre101



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 14:26:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2153931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AniFre101/pseuds/AniFre101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco feels at a loss of what to do. He lost the ability to love again. He has a difficult past that he cannot get over, resulting in doing things he wouldn't normally do. He is saved by another man, Reiner, who feels just as lost as he is. </p><p>Can they help one another to work things out together or repeat their past mistakes again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost But Not All Is Lost

I enter through the door. I hear the crowd from within, the loud booming music welcoming me. I know I shouldn’t have come here, but I don’t want to be alone. My feet continue into the bar as my inner gut feeling tells me to turn around. The air is musty as I’m introduced to the smell of alcohol. There is a huge crowd, and I’m feeling overwhelmed by it all. There are people dancing on the dance floor with the colorful strobe lights rotating. I look around as I head over to the counter, sitting myself at a stool. I feel nervous. On either side of me, there are couples making out, even a man making out with another man.

I turn away, facing forward. There’s a barman, who notice my gaze as he grins. “Alright, so what will it be, newcomer?”

“Oh, uh, g-give me your best one!” I nervously ask. I don’t know what I should get, so I just ask for whatever drink the bar has.

The barman seems to be thrown off guard, looking impressed. “I know just the thing and you’re quite brave.”

I laugh nervously as I see him getting started on the drink I requested. I think I might have made a mistake for I might have ordered something really strong, but I’ll endure it. One of the couples on my side left to go somewhere else, so I feel relief, not having to witness that anymore. I guess this bar isn’t so bad.

“Hello there.” I turn my attention to see an older man. He has bright blond hair going in all sorts of places, probably late thirties. He’s starting to have a beard, sort of handsome. But, he doesn’t seem right. He feels creepy and his breath reeks of alcohol.

“Hi.” I nervously respond, trying to stay away as he leans towards me on the counter.

“Don’t look so nervous there. First time here, huh?” He continues to lean towards me. I don’t like it, feeling regret of ever coming to this place alone. But I have come here just to forget everything else, so why don’t I…

“Hey, sorry, he’s with me.” A man, also blond, with no eyebrows put his arm in between us. This guy is much taller than the one with the beard, and he’s much more muscular, despite how the shirt he’s wearing makes his body look.

“Bitch should have said so.” The other guy leaves angrily muttering to himself, much to my relief.

“T-thanks.” I say with a small smile and I sigh.

“Yeah, be careful kid.” He shrugs as he takes the stool. I can’t tell what emotions are on his face, but I guess he just wants to be left alone.

“Alright, here it is!” The barman presents a drink in front of me.

“Thanks.” I pay the drink as I continue to stare at it. I know, I requested whatever the “best” is in the bar, but I’m not sure of any alcoholic drinks to get. The drink is in a tall glass, ice cold, and it’s blue. There’s a straw, and I sip it, instantly tasting blueberry. It tastes like juice, but then I also taste the bitterness of alcohol, but not so much. I like this, feeling something warm inside my belly.

“There you go, your Heineken.” The bar man presents a green bottle in front of the silent blond brute, who responds with a thanks.

“Say, what’s your name?” I smile as I sip my drink.

“Reiner Braun.” He takes a sip of his drink, about five gulps as he belches afterward. “Good stuff here.”

“Ah, I’m not so much into beer because of the taste. I’m Marco Bodt.” I extend my hand to him as I lean against the counter. I feel heavy for some reason, but I ignore it.

“Yeah, beer is hard for those who start on alcohol. And, looks like you’re a first timer.” Reiner looks over at me as he shakes my hand. I think his eyes are golden. They are so pretty as I stare into them. His hand feels so strong. They feel better than my ex’s hands. Reiner’s hands feel comforting.

“I like my hand back, thanks.” Reiner states, suddenly interrupting my thoughts.

“Y-yeah.” I instantly let go, forgetting that I’m holding his hand. I continue to drink my glass. I feel a sort of strange happiness, like I can do anything. My glass is almost empty, so I finish quickly this time.

“Hey slow down there.”

“Sir, can I have another one? This is great!” I ask loudly.

“Yeah, got it.”

“You were saying?” I turn back my attention to Reiner.

Reiner sighs as he sips his beer, finishing it. “Nope, nothing, just going to watch a good show.” I see a hidden grin from him.

I’m not sure what he means by a “show”, but my drink arrives in front of me and I eagerly drink it.

And that’s the last thing I remember.

\--

_“Jean, that hurts! Please, don’t!” He pulled me as I struggled to get him to let go my arm._

_“Just, one more chance is all I’m asking!” Jean pulled me into a rough kiss, but I pushed him away roughly._

_“No, Jean. You had your chances. I can’t deal with you anymore. Please leave and don’t come back.” I entered my apartment, shutting the door and locking it._

_“Alright, fine! You know what; I’m through with you too! Don’t blame me when you try to call me again, asking for help!” He kicks the door hard. Some moments pass, and I heard him leaving._

_I started to cry as I hugged my knees. I knew it was for the best._

\--

I hear the sound of a flush, like a toilet. I feel so confused, and then, my head start to throb so badly that I pull the covers over my head. My arms feel really heavy and sluggish.

“Hey, can you move?” I don’t remember that voice, but I feel alarmed. I can’t move, but I look around. I don’t recognize this apartment.

“W-where-?” My voice can’t function right. My throat feels dry. I think I have a hangover. Correction, this is a hangover and it’s a really bad one. My first ever hangover…

“This is my place. I asked you several times where your place was at. You couldn’t even form words, so I took you here. Here’s some water.” He places a water bottle near me.

I groan as I reach for the water bottle. I feel so sluggish, but I manage to get it as I barely sit myself up. I’m still fully clothed, so this guy didn’t take advantage of me. I’m feeling grateful for that. I drink the water, and it feels great. It doesn’t completely clear my throbbing headache though. I look over to the blond, who stands by the wall. Feeling alarmed, I ask. “S-sorry, was this your bed? You could have put me on the couch!”

“It’s ok. You needed it, especially when you were complaining about needing the toilet last night.” He grins, giving me a smirk. He laughs.

“T-thanks for taking care of me.” I try to recall what happen last night. I blacked out for sure, and the last thing I remembered was getting a second drink, sipping it fast. I look back at him. “And, you’re Reiner?”

“Yep, nice to meet you, first timer, Marco.” He laughs at me as I feel my cheeks blush from embarrassment. I see him walking over, sitting next to me. “Do you want to hear what happen to you?”

“Sure.” I shrug my shoulders. I lay back down, sighing. I feel interested and curious about what I did last night. I just hope to God that I didn’t do anything ridiculous.

“Well for one thing, you have pictures on your phone.” Reiner passes me my phone. I’m glad he had it instead of me. I could have lost it. Flipping it open, I see dozens of messages from unknown numbers and a few from my friends. I’ll just answer those later. I look through the gallery, and I feel horrified. One by one, it’s taken from each angle of me, dancing, taking pictures with random people, and others that I don’t want to mention.

Flipping it close, I pull the comforter over my head. “Let me die in peace.”

“Not in my house. You’re a pretty interesting guy. So let’s start off with the story.” Reiner laughs. I sigh, preparing myself mentally.

So apparently, I went off dancing, but Reiner stayed pretty close by. He said he wanted to make sure I was alright, not letting me out of sight. I was dancing with a couple of people, and some of them asked for my phone number (which explains the mass of text messages). I got another drink, and a couple of other beers. After a couple of hours, I didn’t feel well, so he took me here. I immediately threw up in the toilet, or rather, he made sure I did.

“And, that’s pretty much it.” Reiner finishes, coming back from his kitchen with a plate of an omelette he made a while ago. He passes me a plate as I groan with small thanks.

Taking a bite, I feel a fresh bite of cheese inside. I feel so content, slightly feeling better. This is delicious. “Thanks. This tastes great!”

“Yeah, don’t mention it. I make awesome hangover foods. My ex was like that, couldn’t handle alcohol like you.” He takes another bite, mentioning his ex like an afterthought.

“Oh, that’s really nice of you. You cook really well.” I really don’t want to ask, but I feel curious.

“Well, you seem to have someone though. But, you wouldn’t normally want to go to a bar, wanting to get picked up.” He speaks, rather he sounds like he’s asking me, sort of glaring at me.

I sigh. Looking to the side, I remember the dream just now. It’s a memory of a bad break up situation a few months ago. Jean, he’s better off now. As for me, I just… “I just…”

“You just what? I lecture my friends about these things, but I’m sure you understand what could have happened to you if I wasn’t there.” He replies with a huff, but it sounds like a warning.

“You’re right. I should have known better really. But, I just feel alone and I wanted to go to the bar.” I shrug, holding my plate tightly in my hands.

“You learned your lesson. Just rest up, and take it easy. I’ll be around when you need me.” He takes the plate out of my hands.

“Hey, I was wondering…” I pause as he turns to look at me. “W-why are you doing this for a stranger?”

“Hmm...not sure of myself, but I think you looked alone at the bar when I saw you. Get some rest.” Reiner gives me a quick grin as he disappears back into the kitchen. I have no strength to leave, so I just do what he says. I make myself comfortable. It doesn’t take long for me to fall back asleep. Dreaming nothing in particular…

\--

I hear a voice, but I barely pick up anything. I assume Reiner’s on the phone.

“Yeah, I know…Hmm…Hmm… Yeah, pretty much. No, it’s ok. Take care…

“Oh, me? You shouldn’t have to worry so much…I’m doing fine.

“I know we…yeah, but I can’t, not right now anyway…

“Yeah, later.”

\--

I wake up to the sound of my phone vibrating. I quickly grab it, looking through it. I see a text from another unknown number. Sheesh, was I that wild last night? I should remember not to pass my number out to random strangers, even if they seem nice. Lesson learned now.

**“Hey cutie pie, let’s have some fun tonight!”**

**“Come to my place. It’s-“**

**“You’re adorable! Hope you get the picture!”**

**“That was a blast last night! Come to this bar when you get the chance!”**

Thirty messages later, I finally see my friends’ texts, some normal ones and nothing new really. There is one final message and it hits a sort of sore spot. I stare at it for awhile, wondering if I should answer it now or later. I ignore the problem at hand and I immediately put my phone back to the side as I turn over, but I don’t feel terrible anymore. I slowly move myself to the floor. I can walk apparently, and I go to the bathroom.

“Oh, you’re up now. It’s almost five.” Reiner comes back into the room.

I nod my head with a smile, quite surprised at how much time goes by. “Oh wow, I slept that long? I’m sorry. Did you need to be somewhere?”

“Luckily, it’s my two week vacation. I don’t have anywhere I wanted to go, so I just lunge around here and there.” Reiner shrugs his shoulders. I notice he is wearing glasses. I wonder if he has work to do.

I still feel bad, and he notices it easily. He points behind me with a grin. “Just walk further down and you’ll find the bathroom. If you wanna cry in there, just take your time.”

“I’m not going to cry!” I stomp my way to the bathroom, slightly feeling offended. I think I hear him snicker, making me walk quickly down towards the destination.

Walking down the hall, I see photos, but these are decorations for making the place nice. The walls are colored nicely with beige. I enter the bathroom at the end of the hall, which isn’t so far. Closing the door behind me, I release the tension, and I feel so much better. I decide to smell myself and I know I instantly smell bad. I sigh; I need to shower when I get home later tonight. I look at the mirror to the side, seeing my messy hair. I look over to the stink, and I see two toothbrushes in a container. I guess he forgot to discard one of them, one of them belonging to his ex. Reiner’s relationship must have been better off than mine was. I think I heard him on the phone earlier while I was sleeping. I shouldn’t eavesdrop on him though.

I shouldn’t compare, but I...

_“Jean, y-your stuff-“I offered back his belongings in a bag, looking to the side._

_“Like I need that shit! Just throw it away!” He looked so offended, knocking the stuff out of my hands. I stared horrifyingly at him, and he was glaring at me, clearly hurt too. He ran off, and I ran after him._

I immediately shake my head from side to side, ignoring my thoughts. I immediately tell myself not to think about the past anymore. I walk out of the bathroom after drying my hands. Walking back to the room, I see Reiner, who greets me with a slightly surprised look. “Hey, you’re crying. What’s wrong?”

“O-oh. I, no, it’s not you. I-I swear it’s just me.” Shot, I can feel the tears. I must have triggered my own memories, making myself cry. I’m so stupid, feeling pathetic. I wipe my eyes with my sleeve. “Sorry, I don’t mean to cry.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Here and sit down.” I see him offer a tissue box as he pats my back. He pulls me to the bed, having me sit down. I continue to sob, grabbing more tissues and wiping my eyes. I blow through my nose. I need to stop. I need to stop. I need to stop.

“Breath, man. Just breath. Slowly.” I perform the actions each time he tells me. I inhale, and exhale. It takes awhile, but I finish soon enough.

“Feeling better?”

I nod my head to him as I blow my nose one final time. “Thanks.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Reiner offers me the trash bin, and I discard the dirty blown tissues into it.

I think about it for awhile. The memories resurface over and over again. The tears continue to overflow, and I sob once again. I shake my head quickly. Before I could say anything, I hear Reiner telling me. “No, it’s alright. You don’t have to. I’ll go make tea.”

 I see him walk away to the kitchen.

“I killed him…” I mumble low as I stare to the ground. The tears are threatening to come back, but I try to restrain myself.

“Marco…” Reiner stops in his tracks, turning around to face me.

I cannot bear to look at him. I wipe my eyes with the back of my sleeve. I look upwards at him. “What do I do, I killed him?”

I cry my eyes out, and then, I’m pulled into a hug. His warm arms comfort me as he holds me tightly. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“What do I do?”


End file.
